AdvantEdge Joy@Work Podcast:
AdvantEdge Joy@Work Podcast:

Episode · 3 years ago

LA 077: Let Go and Gain Control

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Encourage One thing that separates the calm and joyful person from the stressed and depressed is a useful balance something known as the locus of control. Someone with an internal locus of control believes that he or she can influence events and their outcomes, while someone with an external locus of control blames outside forces for everything. In general terms, if you believe that everything is beyond or outside your control, then you are likely to be more anxious, highly stressed and quick to blame others for all failings. And normally, a high internal locus of control means that you accept responsibility that your abilities and effort determine your outcomes. An internal locus of control is going to bring you more benefits in the long-term as you choose to be at cause for your life. But let's be clear, it's a belief that you can influence events and their outcomes, not always control them. What we need is an appropriate balance of being in control. Indeed oftentimes we need to let go to gain control. You may feel stressed because you believe that everything depends entirely (and exclusively) on you and your efforts, or you may be feeling stressed because you believe that nothing at all is within your control. Develop What helps distinguish between being stressed out and effective is about control and, quite literally, how "hands-on" you are. If you have ever learned to play the game of golf, you'll know that at the beginning of learning to play that you grip the club tightly. After all this is basically holding onto a stick that you will swing through the air and hit a ball. Allowing the club to "follow-through' - if you don't hold on tight, the club might just go as far as the ball. I appreciate that you may have never played golf, but you can liken this also to the tight grip of the reins of a horse to controlling your dog on a very short leash to holding on tight to your child's hand New golfers have to learn how to 'let go' - to relax their grip. If a tight grip is a ten on a scale, we want a 4 out of 10. The same is true of leadership and the way we hold on to our people. Hold on too tight (micromanage) and people have little freedom to use their own skills and strength. Hold on too tight to the club, and it is the golfer doing all the work. So the question is: "who should be doing the work?" The manager or leader or the member of staff, or someone else more capable or who has more time to spare? A golf club is weighted for a reason. If you allow the club to do the work, the swing and striking of the ball, becomes almost effortless. Relax your grip on your team and allow them to excel at what they do, and the work becomes almost effortless. Once you know, as a golfer, that the club is designed to do the job of striking the ball, and your job is simply to swing and allow physics do to its job, you can relax. Maintain just enough control to ensure alignment, direction and distance and the ball will fly according to the club used, and the size of the swing. If you want a long distance, you use a long club and a full swing. A short distance off the fairway onto the green requires a shorter distance club and a smaller swing. The power to achieve the distance lies in the tool being employed and the chosen swing - the rest is pure physics. Guide So what can we learn as a leader? To hit your target, at some point you have to let go Isn't it the same? Make sure that you are using the right tool(s) - the person needs the right skill set (and/or mindset) and time to do the required job. The leader's job is to have a little control to ensure that the skills are employed in the right direction for the right distance - that's about judging how far it is to the goal and translating that into the swing itself - in the case of people, the swing is influence and motivation... let the staff do the rest. And just like that golf ball landing exactly where you both planned and wanted it to be for the next shot. You celebrate. Unlike golf,

What's better today and welcome to the leadership advantage to podcast. I think, Dr John Kenworthy, the leadership advantage isn't some magic pill or silver volumet instant success as a leader. I'm sharing the art and neuroscience of having expert leadership unstuck your potential in life and work. Hey, I'm welcome to this edition of the leadership advantage podcast and we're continuing the joy at work series and this month looking at letting go to gain control. Now, since one thing that separates the calm and joyful person from the stressed and depressed is a useful balance known in neuropsychology as the locus of control. Someone with an internal locust of...

...control believes that he or she can influence events and their outcomes. Well, someone with an external locus of control blames outside forces for everything. In general terms, if you believe that everything is beyond or outside your control, then you are likely to be more anxious, highly stressed and quick to blame others for all failings. And normally a high internal locus of control means that you accept responsibility, that your abilities and effort determine your outcomes. And internal locus of control is going to bring you more benefits in the long term, as...

...you choose to be a cause for your life. But let's be clear, it's a belief that you can and do influence events and their outcomes, not always control them. What we need is an appropriate balance of being in control and sometimes we need to let go to gain control. You may feel stressed because you believe that everything depends entirely and exclusively on you and your efforts, or you may be feeling stressed because you believe that nothing at all is within your control. What helps us to distinguish between being stressed out and effective is...

...about control and, quite literally, how hands on you are. If you ever learn to play the game of Golf, you'll know that at the beginning of learning to play, that you grip the club tightly. After all, this is basically holding on to a stick that you will swing through the air and hit a ball, allowing the club to follow through. If you don't hold on tight, the club might just go as far as the ball. I appreciate that you may never have played golf, so you can also like in this to the tight grips on the reins of the horse or controlling your dog and a very shortly, holding on tight to your child's hand as you cross the road. New Golfers have to learn how to let go, to relax their grip. If a tie grip is on a ten scale, we...

...want about four out of ten. And interesting that the same is true of leadership and the way we hold onto our people. Hold on too tight, micromanagum, and people have little freedom to use their own skills and strength. Hold on too tight to the golf club and the Golfer is doing all the work. So my question to you is, who should be doing the work? The manager or the leader, or the member of staff, or someone else more capable or someone who has more time to spare? Back to golf. A golf club is waited for a reason. If you allow the club to do the work, the swing and the striking as a ball becomes almost...

...effortless. Relax your grip on your team and allow them to excel at what they do, and the work becomes almost effortless. Once you know, as a Golfer, that the club is designed to do the job of striking the ball and your job is simply to swing and allow physics to do it's job, you can relax met in just enough control to ensure alignment, direction and distance, and the ball will fly according to the club used and the size of the swing. If you want a long distance, use a long club and a full swing. A short distance off the fairway on to the Green requires a shorter distance club and a smaller swing. The power to achieve the distance lies in the tool being employed and the chosen swing. The rest is...

...just physics. So what can we learn as a leader? Well, to hit your target, at some point you have to let go. Isn't it the same as golf? You know, make sure that you are using the right tools. The person needs the right skill set, hand or mindset and the time to do the required job. The leaders job is to have a little control to ensure that the skills are employed in the right deck direction for the right distance, and that's about judging how far it is to the golf and translating that into the swing itself. In the case of people, the swing is influence and motivation. You let the staff do the rest and just...

...like that, golf will landing exactly where you both planned and wanted it to be. For the next shot, you celebrate, unlike golf, so you praise your club and you thank them for their effort. After all, they did all the work. When we use this metaphor on our golf leadership programs, don't feedback is instant. Hold tight onto the club and the Golfer has to use a great deal of effort and the ball often ends up being pulled, push sliced or hooked, going a third of the required distance. Relax the grip, maintaining directional control, and the ball fly straight the full distance of the club and the swing used for nongngolfers. Try this with a horse.

Hold on tight and that horse will slow down even when you whip it. If you've got a dog, put it on a really short leash and it will stay by your side while it is pulling your arm out of its socket. Your child dangles from your hand as you cross the road and, of course, your team members await your next specific instruction on what they should do next when the going gets tough. Leaders in control let go. Yet new golfers in particular find that gripped tightening in more difficult situations, the very moment when they need to be most at ease, most truly controlling, fear envelops and pressure builds the grip titans and the ball goes astray. If you...

...have to keep a tight grip on something, keep everyone tightly focused on the goal and direction. See the same as true of business leaders. Under pressure. Listen to the media hype about the doom and gloom of the current economic situation and fear can easily creep into the mind. Many leaders respond by tightening their grip on their people and their business, believing that the more tightly they hold, the more control they have and the more likely they are going to survive and pull through, albeit they expend huge amounts of effort, feel incredibly stressed and they're more likely to explode a blood vessel. Let's face the truth here. Even a beer moth the size of apple, Microsoft or X and...

...mobile cannot control the market. What makes you think that you can? My advice, ignore the noise, the media doom and gloom, look for the opportunities and focus on the goal and its direction, your command intent. Choose the right club, the right people, the best people you can, and loosen your grip and let your club do the work, let your staff do the work. Loosen your clip and you'll have more control. Believe and accept that you have responsibility for your own abilities and effort. You are in control over you, the choices you make, the skills you develop and use and the effort you choose to put in. You are not directly in control of...

...other people, but you can develop the abilities to influence them by learning what makes them tick and motivating them to do the things that matter. You're not in control of the world economy, the weather natural disasters, but you can adjust your actions based on what appears to be happening and accept responsibility for the assumptions that you make. Loosen your grip and you'll have more control. I hope that you really enjoyed this episode and will share some highlights with the people you care about most. My team and I are working on a series of exciting new project in this art and neuroscience are hacking expert leadership to unstuff your...

...true potential in life and work. To learn more. Visit Leadership Advantagecom or just search for Dr John Kenworthy and connect with.

In-Stream Audio Search

NEW

Search across all episodes within this podcast

Episodes (123)