AdvantEdge Joy@Work Podcast:
AdvantEdge Joy@Work Podcast:

Episode · 6 years ago

LA 018: How Great Leaders Build Trust and Increase Engagement

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

A few weeks ago I recorded a podcast about the Power of Trust to Succeed and many people wrote and asked why it is that you can do something with the very best intentions but find that it backfires.It seems that it is very easy to lose someone's trust but oh so difficult to gain it back. Think of trust as a wallet full of cash. I know that it's rare to have such a thing, but imagine, OK? Say I have a couple of thousand bucks in various bills in my trust wallet. Every time I do or say something that causes you to lose faith in me, to lose your trust, for whatever reason, is like asking you to take whatever amount of cash out of my wallet. Of course, being a normal human being, you'll take the 100 dollar bills first. If, foolishly I hurt you in some way again, you'll take another chunk from my wallet. A third time and you'll probably take the wallet and empty it. Now I have no trust with you. Is there any way I can influence you if you don’t trust me? Of course not. [player] If you do not trust me, the only way I can get you to do what I want would be to manipulate you, or coerce you. That is, I would resort to lies, half-truths, twisted words, force, threats or bullying. Instead, slowly and steadily and patiently, I work hard and begin to earn your trust back. Little by little, you begin to trust me again. So you give me a two dollar bill from the hundreds you took when I lost your trust. I'm consistent, and build trust with you again. And perhaps you'll give me back a five dollar bill or even, if I've been especially good, 10 bucks. This goes on and on, because you'll be very reticent to give me back your trust. It's normal. It's the way your brain works. You hold a very vivid, pain filled memory of the times I broke your trust and a distant, slightly happy memory of when I build it in the first place. [popup type="youtube" link_text="Click to open my video on your Brain on Stress and Anxiety" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmwiJ6ghLIM" /] Painful memories are much more dominant than good memories. We are wired for negativity. We have two networks for this in our brains: The pain network, which includes the Thalamus, the Dorsal Anterior Cingulate Gyrus and the Insula. Then we have the Reward network, which consists of the Amygdala, the Ventral Striatum and the Ventromedial Prefrontal Cortex. Now you don’t need to remember all the terms, but I've link some great articles and videos above if you’re interested to learn more about the neuroscience behind all of this. When I cause you pain, such as physically inflicting pain, or snubbing you, taking something from you that you care about, treating you unfairly, betraying you, or simply speak negatively about you, then your pain network is activated. Your reward network is activated when you feel things like physical pleasure, a sense of belonging or inclusion, having a good reputation with others, being treated fairly and justly, and even giving to others - because of a feeling of abundance, or simply being appreciated for doing something or just for being you. These things make you feel good. Smart leaders know this and continuously activate your reward network - which makes you more productive and effective. Poor leaders activate your pain network. The biggest difficulty for leaders is one word and that word is "continuously". A leader can be deemed trustworthy by you for years and then they inflict pain on you in some way. They break your trust. Even blaming others for their own failings could be painful for you. At that moment, you take that first big bill from their wallet full of trust. You may trust them again, but there will be a delay in making the decision to trust as you check your personal records - first in the insula and then in the Anterior Cingulate Gyrus (ACG). The insula in your brain, helps us anticipate what something will feel like before it happens, like the proverbial “gut-feel” or “6th-sense”. The Anterior Cingulate Gyrus (ACG) allows us to shift betw

Hi, you're listening to the advantage podcast with me, John Camery. Hey, they're welcome to this week's podcast. This is John Camworthy, and this week I'm talking about trust again. How great leaders build trust and increase engagement, because a few weeks ago, four weeks ago to be exact, I recorded a podcast and wrote an article about the power of trust to succeed, and many people wrote in to me something in email at last. Why is it that you can do something with the very best intentions but find that it backfires and you lose trust? It seems that it is very, very easy to lose someone's trust, but oh so difficult to gain it back. So...

...think of trust as a wallet full of cash. I know that it's rare to find such a thing, but imagine. Okay, trust is like that big Bulgian wallet full of cash. Say I have a couple of thousand bucks in various bills in there. Every time I do or say something that causes you to lose faith in me, to lose your trust for whatever reason, is like asking you to take whatever amount of cash you want out of my wallet. Of course, being a normal human being, you'll take the hundred dollar bills first. See and then if, foolishly, I hurt you in some way again, you'll take another chunk out of my wallet a third time, and you'd probably take the wallet and empty it. Now I have no...

...trust with you. Is there any way I can now influence you if you don't trust me? Of course not. If you do not trust me, the only way I can get you to do what I want will be to manipulate you or coerce you. That is I would resort to lies, half truth, twisted words, force, threats or bullying. Instead, slowly and steadily and patiently, I work hard and begin to earn your trust back. Little by little, you begin to trust me again. So you give me a two dollar bill from the hundreds you took when I lost your trust. I'm consistent, though, and build your build trust with you again, and...

...perhaps you'll give me back a five dollar bill or even, if I've been especially good, ten ducks. Remember, you've taken to thousand. It's going to take me a long time. This goes on and on because you'll be very reticent to give Me Back Your Trust. It's normal. It's the way your brain works. You hold a very vivid, pain filled memory of the time I broke your trust and a distant, slowly happy memory of when I built it in the first place. Painful memories are much more dominant in our brains then good memories. They're far easier for us to access because we are wired from negativity and threats. We have these two distinct networks for this in our brain. The Pain Network, which includes the Thalamus, the dorsal anterior...

...singulate gyrus and the INSULA. Then we have the reward network, which consists of the Amigdala, the ventral striatum and the ventromedial prefrontal CORTEX. Now, don't worry, you don't have to remember all the names, but I'm going to link some great articles in the show notes if you're interested to learn more about the neuroscience behind all of this. But I will point out what these particular past do so that you understand better the pain network and the reward network. See, if I cause you pain, such as physically inflicting pain or snubbing you, taking something from you that you care about, treating you unfairly, betraying you or simply speak negatively about you, then your pain network is...

...activated, and it just has to be your perception. It doesn't even have to be real. If you think I've taken something from you unfairly, that's what you think. Your Pain Network is activated. Truth, that's another matter. Your reward network is activated when you feel things like physical pleasure, taking something like a sense of belonging or inclusion, or feeling safe and secure, having a good reputation with others, being treated fairly and justly, and even giving to others, because that is because you have a feeling of abundance, or simply if I appreciate sate you for doing something or just appreciate you for being you. These things make you feel good. Smartly, theer's know this...

...and they continuously activate your reward network, which makes you more productive and effective. Poor leaders, on the other hand, activate your pain network. Remember what I just said. Smart leaders know this and continuously activate your rewarding network. See, the biggest difficulty for leaders is not activating reward network once or twice, it's activating it continuously. A leader can be deemed trustworthy by you for years and then they inflict pain on you in some way. They break your trust. Even, for example, blaming others for their own failings could be painful for you at that moment you take that first big bill from their walletful of trust. You may trust them again, but there will be a...

...delay in making the decision to trust as you check your personal brain record to your memories. Firstly in the insular that I mentioned before, and then it's in the anterior singulate gyrus, or the ACG. So the insular, what does that do in your break? It helps us anticipaper something you will feel like before it happens. It's like the proverbial gut feel, or sixth cells. The anterior singulate gyrust allows us to shift between thoughts, weighing up our options and making predictions for the future. Let me give you an example. Let's say I was your boss. You trusted me implacently because for a long time I've been able to rain and boss. Then one day you heard that I had spoken disparagingly about you and blamed you for a failure that really wasn't...

...your fault, and all behind your back. All of a sudden you feel hurt. In spite of years of good, trusting relationship, you've heard something negative. Now, of course, because you are mature and a responsible person, you dismiss the idea. It's here say not fact, and surely, surely I wouldn't do such a thing. Everything seems normal. But you are now wandering when you speak to me, or even just think about me, and checking that pain circuit, that gut feel from the insular, that shift between the two options in the anterior singulate gyrus. Do I or don't I? Trust I ask you to undertake a task and the pain circuit was into life, triggered by that emotional memory of pain. Perhaps you are bold enough to ask out right. I deny everything, of course, as completely untrue, but even then your insula is engaged check in that sixth sense and your...

...acg ways the options that I might be being truthful, that nothing was said or now, worse, I could be lying to cover up my own guilt for having blamed you wrongly in the first place. Your own history of experience with other people in similar painful memories will determine whether you choose to trust me at this point or not. It's bad enough that someone would lose trusting you because of one single error. It's worse that the error could have been malicious gossip by another party. To Trust is a very fragile thing. When we do trust someone, and we did decide to trust without being completely certain. Never is a delay, imperceptible at times because our brain was very, very rapidly, but we still check our pain circuits just to be sure. You Trust me again and find that I speak highly of you to others. I...

Tell You how appreciative I am of your diligence and hard work. Your reward circuit is activated and there's another dollar bill in my wallet of trust. When you trust me as your boss, you become increasingly engaged. The delay in deciding to trust me or not get shortened. Your productivity increases and you have a far greater sense of safety and security, which increases your engagement the reward network and increases your productivity. Even good leaders understand this and they make sure that they avoid triggering your pain circuits. They never betray your trust and if, perchance, they inadvertently do break your trust one day, they work hard to regain it. Good leaders keep you, but Myn not continuously increase your engagement and one day someone offers you were a reward that you would really like...

...to have and you shift to another boss and hope that you can trust them. Great leaders, on the other hand, make sure that they also activate your reward circuits. They speak highly of you, they appreciate you, they always treat you and everyone else fairly. They are never based. They always hold you in the highest esteem. They edify you, they build you up. They never ever deny mood. Great leaders give you the deserved credit for your ideas and contributions and never ever take the credit that belongs to someone else, even when they themselves are being unfairly treated, denigrated, all the victim of malicious gossip. A great leader doesn't bite. Great leaders treat even their...

...enemies with respect and dignity. Great leaders are few and far between. Great leaders build your trust in then and they increase your engagement. Do you aspire to be one? For this to a friend if you think they might like to know about trust and how they can build trust for themselves and go from being good leaders into great leaders. Have a blessed by bye. You've been listening to the advantage podcast with me, John Camera, to find out more...

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