AdvantEdge Joy@Work Podcast:
AdvantEdge Joy@Work Podcast:

Episode · 6 years ago

LA 008: How do I influence without manipulating or coercing them?

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

When I started my first degree at university, I knew I had to get myself a car. Until this point, a motorbike had served me well, but I was going to university in Manchester, England, 200 miles from my job and my girlfriend. I spotted an advert in the local paper from a local used car dealership offering a "Reliable, one careful owner, full service history, Austin 1100 in British Racing Green." It was old but almost in my price range. The dealer was friendly, kind and helpful. He took me out for a test drive and assured me that the car was an absolute bargain. He told me how thrilled he had been from the response to the advert and even forewarned me that someone else had called just before I arrived and they wanted to buy the car too. [player] The dealer was friendly, kind and helpful. He took me out for a test drive and assured me that the car was an absolute bargain. He told me how thrilled he had been from the response to the advert and even forewarned me that someone else had called just before I arrived and they wanted to buy the car too.  Does it matter whether I influence or persuade or manipulate, so long as I get the right result? Does it matter whether I influence or persuade or manipulate, so long as I get the right result? He shared a story about his own Austin 1100 that had been such a reliable little runner. Cheap to maintain and would quite happily trot up and down the motorway regularly. On top of that, it was cheap to insure and easy to get parts "should anything ever go wrong with it." I asked if he could knock a few quid off the price because I was a little short. He tried to get his boss to help, but there was sadly now way. I borrowed the difference from my best friend and I was thrilled to head off that very afternoon down south and was a little surprised as I hauled past Oxford and an orange light appeared on the dashboard. Does it matter whether I influence or persuade or manipulate, so long as I get the right result?He shared a story about his own Austin 1100 that had been such a reliable little runner. Cheap to maintain and would quite happily trot up and down the motorway regularly. On top of that, it was cheap to insure and easy to get parts "should anything ever go wrong with it." I asked if he could knock a few quid off the price because I was a little short. He tried to get his boss to help, but there was sadly now way. I borrowed the difference from my best friend and I was thrilled to head off that very afternoon down south and was a little surprised as I hauled past Oxford and an orange light appeared on the dashboard. He shared a story about his own Austin 1100 that had been such a reliable little runner. Cheap to maintain and would quite happily trot up and down the motorway regularly. On top of that, it was cheap to insure and easy to get parts "should anything ever go wrong with it." I asked if he could knock a few quid off the price because I was a little short. He tried to get his boss to help, but there was sadly now way. I borrowed the difference from my best friend and I was thrilled to head off that very afternoon down south and was a little surprised as I hauled past Oxford and an orange light appeared on the dashboard. I had bought a lemon. So why had I, an educated, not completely dim, and otherwise quite sensible person been duped into buying something? Are we influenced when we are duped? Yes we are. You'll remember from the Triangle of Influence that we are influenced when someone connects a desired result in such a way that the benefit outweighs our cost resulting in motivation. Influence is often considered to be a positive thing. But it has some closely related cousins known as: Persuasion Manipulation, and Coercion Persuasion is still considered OK, but to have been influenced rather than persuaded would be better. To have been forced or threatened into doing something is particularly unpleasant, while being manipulated to do the very same thing is regarded as wrong. How d

Hi, what's better? Today you're listening to the leadership advantage podcast with me, Dr John Camworthy, brought to yourselves incom it's why some leaders thrive and others struggle. Hey, there, this is John Camworthy. Welcome to this podcast, and this week I'm asking you, how well do you know the people that you need to influence at work? How well do you know your boss, your clients, your colleagues? Heck, how well do you know your life? Because the math of influence requires that we know their with them? What's in it? For me, the cost of the change. And our job then, in influencing them is to ensure that the with them is...

...greater than the cost. Then we will achieve the motivation to change. That is we have influenced them. Don't worry, it's true for all of us to we simply don't know people well enough to influence them easily. So what do you do when you don't know them well enough? You don't know their drivers, their motivators. The best thing to do is to use one or more of the four universal appeals, because people will do anything for someone who encourages their dreams, allays their fears justifies their failings. Or helps them throw rocks at their enemy. This week it's all about how to influence someone you don't know well using the four universal appeals. I share with you a little...

...story of Jeff. Jeff sat on a bar stool at the front of the room. He had no slides, no props, he just sat and talked. Within minutes he had everybody in the room on the edge of their seats, eagerly nodding and ready to follow him wherever he went. None of us in the room had met jeff before. In fact, none of us had a clue who he was. This quiet, unassuming chap simply walked to the front and, sitting on the bar stool, began to speak and captivated everyone. Jeff shared why some adverts worked and some fell flat, how some adverts tapped universal appeal and others neglected to do so. The good news is the that you don't need to spend millions of dollars on creating a fantastic TV advert to influence people. The great views is that you can easily tap into the...

...for universal appeals, and I'll come to those four universal appeals again in a moment. You'll remember, hopefully, in the triangle of influence that the motivation to change is the result of the evaluation of the personal benefits gained and the personal cost in the resources required to achieve a specific outcome. Whether that outcome is buying a new toothpaste or a new car, giving our time to serve in a soup kitchen or sharing our wisdom with a stranger, we weigh are what we get from the action and what it costs us. We will then be motivated to act when our perceived benefits outweigh out perceived cost. Thec is the math of influence. Perceived benefits, the perceived value or the what's in...

...it. For me, the whiffer must be greater than the perceived cost of the resources required to change will equal the motivation to act. If you only know what I am likely to perceive as beneficial and what I perceive as costly, then you should find it easier to influence. And when we're influencing someone we know well, we can influence them far more easily. For example, if I want to go to a particular holiday destination with my wife and she wants to go elsewhere, I might emphasize all the aspects of the type of holiday she desires and honestly regarding my preferred destination. I might lay on some evidence to add credence to my interpretation, such as photos, trip advisor recommendations and so one, if I want to buy a particular car model and she would prefer another, I might focus on specific qualities of my chosen car that...

I know will appeal to her. It's not manipulation, it's just a conversation. It's something we all do every day. We will sway or steer others towards our preference, and we're in a position of influence every time someone allows us to communicate with them. Most of the time we are unconsciously influencing entirely based on our personal biases. But that's selfish. Yes, you're right, I am so are you, and says the person who's beside you. It's true, I am so selfish and so are you. Even when someone is apparently being altruistic, the reality is that they are getting something valuable personally from doing so. What if you don't know the other person will? How, then, do you influence the people are more in easily influenced by people who...

...show empathy for their situation and can be trusted but more than that, people will do anything for those who encourage their dreams, allay their fears, justify their failings or help them throw rocks at their enemies. Some of the most effective and powerful ways of influencing appeal to these for universal motivators. Encourage your dreams, allay your fears, justify your failings or help you throw rocks at an enemy. So let me go through these four in brief. What do I do when I encourage your dreams? or every single person I've ever met has dreams. They want to achieve something in their life. They may not know exactly what it is, but it is better than whatever they have achieved thus far in life. To influence someone, you could encourage their dreams that the benefit they will attain moves them towards their dreams. You might be encouraging...

...the dreams of your child to get into a great university if they study hard, or, more relevant, perhaps the new ipad you will buy them if they get an a. You could be encouraging someone to diet or exercised by a communicating how good they will look and feel and hence be more attractive. Or you could be allaying fears. Everyone has fears. Most people will admit that they are fear failure to some extent. Many people fear death. Does anybody like to be ejected? Some are afraid of flying. According to studies, more people fear public speaking than anything else. So to influence someone to act, you could allay their fears that the benefit will be greater confidence, for example, competence or simply the courage to act at all. You might also reduce the cost burden by allaying someone's fears of undertaking the action you are...

...proposing. To allay the fears that someone buy something they don't really need, you could guarantee satisfaction or set up a payment plan that spokes the cost over time. So we can encourage dreams, or we can allay fears. All both in the same time. Or perhaps it's justify their failings. We've all failed in our lives. Many of these failings we keep to ourselves through a false sense of pride or, worse, that others will think badly of us if we actually admit them. Yet we all have them. Nobody likes to fail. It hurts and it isn't so good when our failure is not our fault. A powerful tool in the influences arsenal is to have enough courage to admit their own failings to others. You are not alone, and that is...

...there is a perfectly good reason or excuse for failing. One of the biggest issues my clients tell me is they have a lack of time, that they are simply so many more pressing things to do, and this is true. So it's not their fault, it's just modern society. So it's no surprise that you haven't found the time to do this. But just think of the benefits you could get if you just took five minutes each day. Now you are already being swept up in the argument and nodding away. See, it wasn't your fault, so what could you do? Lastly, I can help you throw rocks at your enemy. There's nothing quite like a common enemy to unite people, and that enemy doesn't have to be other people, and enemy...

...could be as simple as dirty hair. Watch any shampoo and vot. Do you know anyone who isn't struggling something overwork, stress, a boss who doesn't recognize their efforts and impossible sales? To whatever their enemy, the chances are pretty high that you have had that enemy in the past to conquer, agree and help them throw rocks at it. Have you ever attended a meeting and wondered why you were there, what the point of the meeting was? Sure you have. We all have. WHO's the enemy? Well, meetings are the enemy. Or is it the common boss who hosts the meeting? All the lack of structure to the meetings, the lack of an agenda, the lack of Action Plan of a meeting whatever is the common enemy. So why is this important? where? You are being influenced every day. If you...

...watch television at all, you'll be bombarded with messages designed to influence you. Some have a lasting effect, others less so. And you influence other people every day as well. Some people you will influence just by being alive. They could be emulating you. If you have kids, they are emulating you. If you're in a bad mood, they'll know it and change their behavior accordingly. When my dad came home from his London office when I was a young kid, I would hide in my room because he would always be in a bad mood after a change journey from London. You influence some people deliberately and for those times when you are successful. The chances are extremely high that you appeal to one or more of these universal appeals. You encouraged their dreams, their desires, their wants, or you allaid their fears, you help...

...them recognize that something wasn't as frightening as they thought it was, or you help them justify their failings. Yeah, everybody falls down every so often, or you help them throw rocks at an enemy of theirs, which is common to you. But there's something very, very, very critical here and you don't want to miss it. You might have got it already, which is terrific, but maybe you've missed it, which is okay, because most people do miss this. It's there there their dreams, their fears, their failings and their enemy. It's not about your wants, your dreams, your concerns, your desires, it's all about the other person. Influence is about motivating the other person to change for their benefit. But surely you may, as I want to influence someone else for my benefit, and that's where the problem...

...lies. It's not about you, it's about them. If it's about you and not about them, you are not influencing them, you are either manipulating or coercing them, and that, my friend, will lead them to desiring, if not taking revenge upon you. Become them. Benefit be mutual, for sure. If they benefit and, incidentally, you do too, that's wonderful. We call that a win win, don't we? I hope you've enjoyed this podcast. Please share this with your friends. Tell them to come over to sellshimcom forward slash podcast. They can listen online, they can download, you can subscribe, or you can subscribe to become an advantage for Ip and get this delivered to you every two weeks. So looking forward to your...

...comments, your feedback, your thoughts, hit reply, but remember, most of all, send this to a friend of yours to get them to sign up as well. Cheers by and have a blast. Regard. You've been listening to the leadership advantage podcast with me, Dr John Kimworthy. If you'd like to find out more, visitors and sells himcom. It's why some leaders thrive and others struggle.

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