AdvantEdge Joy@Work Podcast:
AdvantEdge Joy@Work Podcast:

Episode 116 · 3 months ago

Are you In Control or Controlling? Part 1 - Finding the Roots of Everyday Stress and Performance Anxiety

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

This is the first of a four part series asking the question: Are you In Control or Controlling? Listen or watch or read now to understand what triggers your stress and anxiety so that you can then learn how to be In Control and a master of your emotions.

Everyone experiences stress and performance anxiety. Nobody likes it, and some people suffer terribly from it. Some stress is necessary for our survival. As cave dwellers, stress and anxiety caused by external threats were excellent drivers of survival behaviours. The trouble is, in the modern world, from your brain's perspective, there are many more perceived threats and the pace of life doesn't allow sufficient downtime between "threats" to recover perspective and get yourself back to a place of choice: whether you are going to remain in control, or be controlling of people or things in the world outside.

In this four part guide we're discussing that fundamental question: Are you In Control or Controlling?

This First Part we are finding the roots of everyday stress and performance anxiety according to behavioural Neuroscience. We begin with an important understanding of Locus of Control and its implications for your brain. We'll discuss why choosing to be In Control or Controlling is critical and how you respond to the many and varied challenges and obstacles you face every day

Hello and welcome to the advantage joy at work podcast. I'm your host, Alex, and today our resident behavioral Ner, scientist and Expert Leadership Coach, Dr John Kenworthy, is asking if you're in control or controlling. This is part one of a four part series on being in control and in this guide we're finding the roots of everyday stress and performance anxiety, according to behavioral neur science. Dr John, what is every distress and performance anxiety? Everyone experiences stress and performance and anxiety. Nobody likes it, some people suffer terribly from it. Psalm stress is necessary for our survival as caveds. Stress anxiety caused by external threats what excellent drivers of survival behavior. The trouble is in the modern world, from your brains perspective, there are many more perceived threats and the pace of life doesn't allow a sufficient downtime between threads to recover perspective and get yourself back to a place of choice whether you are going to remain in control or be controlled link of people or things in the outside world. In this four part guide we're discussing that fundamental question. Are you in control or controlling? The first part we're finding the roots of every day stress and performance anxiety, according to behave or neuroscience. We begin with an important understanding of locusts of control and its implications for your brain. We will discuss why choosing to be in control or controlling is critical and how you respond to the many and vary challenges and obstacles you face every day. In part two, we're going to be digging the roots of controlling stress and performance anxiety. will discover...

...how easy it is to get trapped by the effects of external events and of the people and the two enemies of our mind spire in us into performance anxiety and fear, and hence controlling. In part three, will be looking at the antidote to control it, stress and performance anxiety, and how you can choose to be in control or at least better place your locusts of control, so that you can learn and grow and be better equipped for the next challenge. In part four, will be sharing the secret oxymoron to being more in control and the often overlooked it's all different between delegation and empowerment. I think it will help if you can explain what exactly is every day stress and performance anxiety. Everyone experiences stress every single day stress is not always harmful, nor is it always a bad thing being promoted. For example, cause is stress, yet we associate it with a positive feeling. Getting married is certainly stressful, and again it's usually a happy occasion and something to be celebrated, and this is called you stress. Chronic stress is the cost of daily living, the bills, kids, work, school. This is the type of stress we tend to ignore and push down. Yet left uncontrolled, the stress has adverse health implications. Acute stress is associated with real or perceived threats that cause...

...fear. Useful when it's caused by a lion by the water cooler, less useful when it's your boss by the water cooler. And distress is stress from daily life activities that have negative implications, such as financial difficulties, work problems, injury divorce. We should note here, by the way, that anyone with PTSD or having any form of traumatic stress should seek professional help beyond the scope of this guide. What about performance anxiety? What is that exactly? Now? Performance anxiety is fear about your ability to perform a specific task. When you experience performance anxiety, and everybody does, you may worry about failing a task before it has even begun, you might believe that failure will result in humiliation and rejection. This is one reason it's so very important that leaders strive to create and maintain a psychologically safe environment. It's worth noting that there are two further commonly diagnosed types of anxiety that sufferers should seek professional medical help beyond the scope of this guide. These are social anxiety, which is overwhelming stress associated with social situations, and the keyword there is overwhelming, and general anxiety disorder. Whilst been triggered by similar everyday activities, sufferers of Gad fixate on fears and concerns to the extent that it seriously negatively impacts their lives as they struggle to control their worries on more days than not. Okay, so...

...what are the roots of such everyday stress and performance anxiety? Well, actually, it's going to help us first to understand what is locus of control and why it matters. Your locus of control is the extent to which you believe that you having an internal locus of control, as opposed to external forces beyond your influence, and external locus of control have control over your life. If you expect to work, to succeed, you will be more motivated and more likely to learn and grow. If you attribute your success to luck or fate, you are less likely to make the effort needed to learn a growth. Someone with an external locus of control is also more likely to experience anxiety, since they believe that they are not in control of their lives, and this anxiety gives them the illusion of control over others or over external events. It bears repeating when you are anxious, this gives you the illusion of control over others or external events. For example, if it weren't for my lack of abilities, resources, knowledge relationships, I'd be able to do something. Or what if I were in the right place at the right time by chance and luck, then I would have done something different. It's what I would have, should have or could have done, if only what I call the could have, would have, should have that. If you have an external locus...

...of control, you are at the effects of external events and the actions of other people. You react to those events. We do need to understand that an internal locust control is not necessarily good, nor an external will pad. We all do both, and there really are times, such as during the covid nineteen pandemic when you do not have sufficient influence over things to be truly in control. I was reading and those camps one thousand things devotional and was inspired paraphrase something she wrote on these lights. Your mind would rather fret about the future or pine over the past so that it can cling onto its only illusion of control. But the current moment cannot be controlled, so our mind discounts it and we forget to savor and enjoy every now moment. So being in control is not the same as controlling. In control is when you have an internal locus of control. You choose to be at cause for everything that you can control, which is you and your choices and your anctutions. Control lying is when you have an external locus of control and you react too and are at the effects of the outside world and other people. It's the choices you make to try to control the actions of other people and other things. But that's not your job, that's their job. Are you saying that we...

...have a choice? Exactly right, Alex. for every challenge we face we start with a choice. Something happens and now you face a challenge. It doesn't matter if you made the something happen or someone else did all the universe conspired? You face an obstacle and you have a choice. You can choose to react and avoid the challenge, or you can choose to act to overcome or address the challenge. Remember, it's not that one choice is right and the other is wrong. It's the beginning of a cycle of response that has a greater or lesser chance of ending with optimal all less than optimal results. And depending on what does happen in the outside world or what someone does, you might be in control and goes through the growth cycle, while, given the same situation, I try to control and head off to the could have would a shoulder zone, a different situation, and it could be me in growth cycle and you become the worryward. Is there always a challenge? Okay, well, examine your own life for a moment and you will soon discover that your life is a series of challenges. As a young teenager, I found getting out of bed in the morning a challenge. I certainly found some school subjects challenging. At the weekend I face the challenge of a broken plug socket at home. A few minutes ago I faced the challenge of anormous wants of computer so yes, every day is filled with challenges. So I don't feel like challenges now. And why is that? Because we face them before and we've learned how to overcome them. Or I pop over to Youtube and...

...watch someone show me how to overcome the problem. Some challenges seem mundane and simple to me now. Others are don't it, and they're not even on Youtube. Look at your own life and notice the everyday challenges. Those that you've learned to overcome appear insignificant. Man Others will stop him in your tracks. The wonderful thing about challenges is that they are the reason we grow and learn. No battles, no spoils. We pretend that we don't like to be challenged. The truth is, without challenges in your life, it will be tremendously boring and stagnant. Can you suggest an example? When you've learned to drive a car, the first several times it was almost impossible for you to do, let alone do it smoothly, easily, safely. I'm well, there was so much to know and to coordinate, and that's in an automatic. If you learn properly with a manual transmission, a can a stick shift from our American cousins, there was much more complexity to this challenge. After a year you were pretty smooth with it. After three or four years you were unconsciously competent. You could even drive and talk at the same time. After twenty years, you're complacent about driving and activity you once found nigh on impossible and frightening. The roots of your great stress and anxiety when you first learned to drive, you now recognize was your perspective that overcoming this complex challenge wasn't beyond your capabilities. How you scoff at those complexities because you know...

...just how capable and proficient you have become. Of course, as someone who learned how to drive us with a stick shift, I do enjoy those amazing race episodes when those who only ever drove an auto car are utterly fluxed. And boy did they get stressed out. Thanks for Great TV, terrible for their brains and help. Great TV, and that's the thing with new challenges. They kick our fear circuits into action. That's something you need to recognize and understand, and we'll do that in part too. Are you in control or controlling digging out the roots of stress and performance anxiety? I look forward to that. What can listeners do in the meantime to learn more? In the meantime, you can learn about your brain on stress and anxiety with my very popular white board video available on Youtube. Just go to my channel on Youtube, youtubecom forward slash Dr John Kimworthy, and you will find it in the top most popular downloads, I believe. Don't watch that UNTILSO, linked from the show notes. Thank you, Dr John. Be Blessed. We'll see you in part two. To learn more now, as Dr John just mentioned, you can visit his Youtube Channel at youtubecom forward slash Dr John Kenworthy and search for your brain on stress and anxiety. You'll find it very insightful, and do remember to subscribe to this advantage joy at work podcast on your preferred platform. Please rate us in comment. It helps other people find us more easily.

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